Layers

As I work through my dysfunctional beliefs (or, things that hold me back from being who i authentically am) I realize that there are many layers involved in this process. These are usually things we decided when we were younger or generated from a traumatic experience. I have discovered one of mine.

I decided that I was a disappointment. I had an experience with my dad as a young girl. My dad was excited to go fishing early one morning while we were on vacation and came to wake up my brother who was sleeping next to me. My brother wanted nothing to do with going with my dad but I was very eager and excited to go and jumped out of my sleeping bag and got ready to go. My dad was disappointed with my brother and maybe himself but I took it that he was disappointed with me. All day he never really cheered up and i knew he really wanted his only son with him instead of me.

It has been interesting to reveal this because I see clearly in my life the many times I have disappointed people I really care about. It is kind of overwhelming to realize how many times I have done this and it actually hurts allot! Part of me wants to go back and fix it so bad. But I realize that all of those experiences have brought me to the point I am at today.

I learned a cool technique that has been helping me get rid of these things. Here are the steps to the process I just learned from my mother/therapist.

• Get into a Meditation



• Let your thoughts go to the issue you are working on



• Go into the feeling of the issue



• Name the feeling



• Allow yourself to really feel the feeling go deep and let it out. Cleans it from you.

After you do this you must do the process again to replace it with the good that you want instead.

• Meditate



• Take your thoughts to what you want to replace it with



• Go into the feelings if it



• Name the feeling



• Allow yourself to really feel the replacement deeply as if it was real right now.

In my case I replaced it with feeling that I am worth while, and reliable, and valuable. I went through this process and after talking to my mom I learned that if i don't feel elated then there is more to process. So I had a dream last night that helped me bring up more stuff on this subject and so the process goes on.

I look forward to the time when I truly replace this one with the way I really feel inside and then start creating those experiences in my life automatically because of my new core belief! There is an amazing person inside us all and it is exciting to begin to get to know that person!

I want to add that i realize that my Father was doing the best he knew how at that time of his life. I know he loved me and would never want me to feel the way I did.